BTWC: Los Molinos Tempranillo

This post was a smidge delayed but I'm not changing the tenses. Enjoy!

Hey party people! I'm drinking red wine in a bathrobe right now because I am living my best life! I've spent a lot of time with people today and I am so ready to be an introvert, which translates to drinking alone in my room. (That sounds a lot more unhealthy than it really is. Don't worry- I'm responsible)

I hear you guys going- Katie, it's Bathtub Wine Critic. Shouldn't you be taking a bath?

Well, wouldn't you know but I am drinking in a bathtub. I'm just fully-clothed. And while that definitely seems like I have a problem, seriously this robe is soooo fluffy. Worth.

I am great at flattering photos.

So I picked this wine up at a Dutch grocery store in Curacao, so the price was 10.99 ANG (which is approximately $6.15). I thought $10 was decently priced, but once I realized it was gonna be even cheaper, I was stoked. (For comparison, Barefoot wine was like 14 ANG because importing maybe?).

Look at that deceiving price tag

First looks- Label is cute but simple. I have NO idea what a tempranillo is but it was in the Spain section next to red wines and that's all I got. Label is all in Spanish, but I'm purposely not looking at the back in case I recognize words. My Spanish is limited to basic greetings, compliments for my sister-in-law, and food (of course) so I actually might recognize things.

Second looks- it's a twist-off! Probably less classy but so much better for me and my life.

Okkaaayyyy so just poured and it's a veeery dark red. When I swirl it like the fancy people do, there's little sediment stuff on the side which is mildly concerning but ya gurl is here to drink, and drink I shall.

Sniff test sniff test sniff test! Smells dry and alcohol-y. But weaker than some other wines I've sniffed? We shall see.

As an aside- I should not have eaten Tropical Sour Patch kids before this. Definitely was a bad idea.

First taste- omg

I don't know if it was the Sour Patch kids but that aftertaste was terrible. I made the cat hack up a hairball face. Not good. Nooooooot gooood.

Second taste- good? Like wtf. The wine was so horrible the first taste and good the second taste. I don't know what's happening. Did I just drink all the awful stuff first? Did I become instantly drunk and lose my tastebuds? Did I acclimate immediately to the wine? Wtf is going on

Third to the rest tastes- okay I think it's the dryness hitting at a weird time. It hits in the middle instead of at the end? If I do a brief taste, it doesn't have time to taste terrible. If I hold the wine in my mouth, I wish for death.

The front end is weak and smooth. The ending is peppery with light tannins and has the aftertaste of sadness. The middle is so strong it makes me tear up.

Is there soap in my glass or something? Like this is not good. Just took a hit out of the bottle and it seems stronger but still bad.

I'm having a hard time saying what this tastes like because I do not like it. I like dry reds I swear but this is just not my cup of tea. Like eugh.

I'm struggling with trying to make this a cohesive post because I'm getting moderately more tipsy but I hate what I'm drinking. Muhhhh

Okay I chugged a little and it wasn't bad. If I chug it, it tastes fruitier, so maybe I'll do that. The fruit is probably cherry or plum or something. Ooooh like those dark red cherries that you only really find in the summertime. That flavor. If you squint. Can you squint tastebuds? Probably not. It tastes like cherries if you lie to yourself???

The wine isn't as bad as I was complaining about before, but it's not good. It's a 1.5-2 stars out of 5. It's not terrible, but I'd only drink it if it was free and there wasn't something else I'd like better. It's not wonderful but eugh.

Let's see if I was right! They're probably gonna describe it in a more flattering way than "omg is there soap in my glass because there's no other reason for it to taste like sadness and death."

The website describes it as "Deep cherry red with ripe summer fruit flavours on the palate. An elegant, soft and fruity red wine with a well-balanced finish." And it goes on further to say that this wine WON AWARDS. IT WON A GOLD.

Am I that bad at wine-tasting? Like- this won a gold? Muh. This wine apparently has "light and harmonious wine full of red fruit flavours" which I described as weak, peppery, light tannins, and death. I wouldn't say this is harmonious because it had phases, and light/fruit flavors makes me laugh.

So me and the website don't agree, but I guess in this case, I am definitely a hater. You can tell I definitely don't get paid for endorsements, huh? But since I'm not even close to the description, I'm gonna give myself 1 star out of 5 on accuracy. Or the website 5 out of 5 for marketing. Either works.

Ya gurl is gonna finish this wine because she paid for it, and so I'm definitely gonna get outta this robe and run a real bath for moral support. 

Time to run this bath!

Y'all have a good one and stay safe! And for the love of Pete, I would not recommend this wine. But my taste isn't all-inclusive, so try it if you want. It's 5 stars cheap!

~Katie